At Janny 's

Saturday 18th of June, Third Day of EuroGames in Utrecht

Midsummer Night Festival Fridaynight was a very integrated event. The party is appealing to both gay and straight people. I came in late at 23.15 after the performances had taken place. Michael Michielsen from RTV Utrecht told me that Ellen ten Damme had really been very good.

My last visit to the Midsummer Night Festival was eight or nine years ago. I saw Margriet Eshuis perform and I remember that we took a free boat trip through the canals with my son who then was still a little boy. It was quite small scale at that time. I now saw the big dance floor that covered all the distance between one side of the wharves of the canal and the other. Three boats with a flat deck were connected. Above the boats was a complete stage with lights. The discotheque was loud and people were dancing. Some of the Utrecht folks had come with their (inflatable) boats bringing their pets. The little dog wanted to join the party, but his boss would not let him... When her husband hugged the dog and danced with it, she told him to put the doggie back in the boat. No doubt who was the boss in the house.

I saw all kinds of women that I know and who are heterosexual. Many people are not tense about identifying with a gayfriendly event anymore. The newest bar in town in the gay scene calls itself heterosexual friendly. Young Utrecht people were checking out the party. In the street I overheard a girl tell "It looks like something is happening in Utrecht", but she did not refer to what it might be. She probably did not know.

The Eurogames Village integrated nicely with the Midsummer Night party. It was quieter there. The sale at the merchandise stands and at Savannah Bay bookstall was still going on. The volunteer that I spoke to only had started at 22.00 hours, so he was still fresh. Savannah Bay is a wonderful bookshop. The owner Mariska had made the place a very nice collection of books, calendars, video's, but also gifts and gadgets. She also specializes in witch stuff. Many lesbians or feminists go for witching. Gay men have their own section in the shop and some of the volunteer staff in the shop is gay men. I loved the "Out of the Book Closet" evening on Sunday June the 12th that Mariska and her team organized in Theater the Kikker as part of the Midsummer Night Festival. Famous and well know writers, who are in the top in the Netherlands and very well know like Carrie Slee and Arthur Japin, were accompanied by newer writers, like Karin Giphart, who just published her first book. Her brother is quite famous as a Dutch public figure and a writer. She is referred too a lot as the sister from... Karin wrote a book about the lesbian scene in Amsterdam. She also made her own CD with songs she wrote herself. She performed a few and she absolutely has a wonderful voice. They are both children of a very strong and famous social-democrat woman who was a Member of Parliament and an outspoken feminist. Her name was Wijni Jabaay. She died some time ago and is almost forgotten now.

A writer from Belgium also pleasantly surprised me. His name is Tom Lanoye. He performed a story that he had written about his mother. All the love and warmth he as a gay son has for his mother poured out of the storytelling. I seldom have heard a more truthful portrait of a powerful working class mother.

Gay men and their mothers are a story in itself. Moms cheered on their sons at many of the competitions in the Eurogames. They also cheered on their daughters, but mothers of gay men were more around.

At Janny's... at my house with the four Hungarian guests, it is more empty than full. I only hear the guests coming in and out on the stairs or see them jump into a taxi, like the two badminton players this morning at 8.15. We had a problem yesterday with the hosted housing scheme. It had nothing to do with the guests, but with the regular inhabitants of the house. Not the people - my 14 year old son - but the hairy inhabitants. The cats Cynthia and Layla do not like strange people in the house, especially when they stay overnight. They are disturbed by the strange smells unknown people bring into the house. So they did not want to come in Thursdaynight. I left the backdoor open. In the morning only Cynthia was there. Layla had disappeared. She did not come back all day. In the afternoon my partner Jose made a searchround around the block to look for her without result. Cynthia was restlessly walking around. She missed her sister. Jose and I went to a theaterplay about Belle van Zuylen (Isabel the Charriere) at the castle in Oud-Zuilen, where she lived until she married at the age of 31. The castle was on the route of the running tracks on the Saturday Track and Field day. Belle van Zuylen was famous for her independence and her writing. "I have no talent for submissiveness", is one of her famous lines. The play started at 19.00 and ended 75 minutes later. It was split up in 5 pieces, that all took place at the different room in the castle. Five groups of 20 people toured the castle with a guide. I loved it a lot.

It was good to do something with my partner during the hectic days of the Eurogames and make a break from it for a few hours. I concentrated on something completely different. I like it that there is still a world out there when events like Eurogames take place. It is reassuring that the "normal" world is still functioning. Nobody there is very much involved with a thing like the games. People have all their own things on their agenda's, can't be bothered with gay folks doing sports in Utrecht. I loved it that RTV Utrecht did good coverage of the Eurogames in their daily program. The small items were nice and it recurred over time every day.

I returned home from the city and the party at 01.00 and went looking for Layla. She probably had jumped over a fence and was outside her known territory. She does not know the way back. Jose had walked the track for more than an hour again after midnight. I started out for a second round. After 45 minutes of calling out her name loud, I got an answer: a tiny miauw. She was right at the back of the house next to the railroadtracks. I was so happy to find her. She is now locked up in Jose's house, which is the next-door neighbor. I was lucky to have the railways on strike. The trains that pass the house every few minutes might have prevented me from hearing her.

Finding back the cat is far more important that the whole Eurogames, no matter how nice and good they are. The personal issues are always much more important. That has not much to do with sexual preference. That has to do with individual lives that are very varied and diverse. Challenges can differ from time to time and in different stages of a person's life. It is clear that coming to the Eurogames and participating is a big deal for part of the participants. It can be life changing. Maybe... for me as well. Who knows?
My big issue is that I must find a new paid job. Doing the reporting for the Eurogames challenged me to speak to many more people than I usually do. It was not difficult. The commonality of the games made it easy to start conversations and I enjoyed them a lot. I told myself that I could do that, because I needed stories for my column...
A good way to help myself to overcome shyness that is basically not necessary... and might have to do with a life that has been with the identity of a lesbian for 32 years. Even in the tolerant Netherlands, I developed a habit of holding myself back and not showing myself fully in many public and private places. The Eurogames may help me to change that habit. Being so public in the newsletter is a first step anyway.

Janny Nieboer